Challenging news but it could always be worse..

I feel defeated, like I have been punched in the stomach. 

Today started off a pretty good day.  I started off at 6am setting up my kitchen into a mini hospital room.  The nurse came before school this morning and administered Chemo and draw labs.  Ellie was a champion.  She has been doing extremely well with chemo lately.  She doesn’t even cry when they poke her anymore.  She is an amazing little girl.  Oh did I mention cute as a button too.  After Chemo I sent Ellie off to school for the day.  She had a great time playing with her friends.  Her teacher even texted me a picture of Ellie playing on the play ground.  I had the biggest smile and was so pleased to see her happy and running around playing. 

When I picked Ellie up, I noticed she just seemed really tired today.  I just chalked it up to the Chemo.  Well I received a phone call late this afternoon from the hospital and this is when I felt the punch to the gut.  Ellie’s platelets are extremely low and the doctors are concerned that at any time she can have a Brain Bleed or if she gets a cut she can bleed out and die. Nice thought huh?  I did everything in my power to hold back the tears for I knew Ellie was paying attention to me.  This poor thing, every time we seem to get into a groove something comes and screws it up.  Usually at this point I start to think about how much of her childhood she has missed already and how much more does she have to endure? It also makes me extremely nervous and cautious.  Well the solution WE HOPE.  We have to go downtown tomorrow morning for a platelet transfusion. Then Monday they will send the nurse to our home again to draw labs. They believe this is going to have to be a regular routine thing.  We still are unsure but all signs point to yes.  Once again we won the lotto.  Not the good kind.

After I dropped Ellie off at Girl Scouts, I spent the hour just crying it out.  I’m just so tired, and I want to take this away from her.  I don’t understand why Ellie, why not me.  Anyhow, as my mom would say “Have your pity party for a day, then pick your self up and move on”.  So I have about an hour left of pity party today and tomorrow will be a fresh start.  I will pick myself off the floor and Help Ellie fight this nasty brain tumor. 

I’m sorry for the sad post.  I truly appreciate everyone’s support and love through this crazy time of our life’s.