It was Deja vu kind of day..

So during the summer I will be updating the blog either on
Wednesday night or Thursday morning for sure and as far as in between when I have a little time.  
 
This summer has been insane. We are doing our best to try to get into a routine.  It just seems like Ellie has no set schedule at this point except we know chemo is every
Wednesday.  We are trying to get most of her testing done before school begins.  

Last night we went to my Dads to swim while Dave was working late.  Kids had a blast.  It was a good night.  
 
Today Jake decided to give me a run for my money. 
He started to throw some fits early on.  I’m really thinking his sensory problems are coming to light again.  I think this whole change of routine thing and the attention is on Ellie
is affecting him.  
 
I took the kids to Taekwondo today and then it was
time to go to the pediatrician for Jakes kindergarten checkup.  That was such an awkward drive.  I filled with so many emotions and bad memories.  The pediatrician is all the way in Elmhurst so it was a long drive for sure.  Mostly it was difficult because the last time I drove to the pediatrician was on Jan. 4th.  

I remembered driving Ellie for her checkup and telling her we would get lunch after her appointment.  I remember the fear I had when the cat scan technician said “I spoke with the doctor, we need to do it again but with contrast.” 
I defiantly knew something was up when he said “we are going to keep the IV in and send you back to the office.” 
What a long drive that two minutes were on the drive back to the pediatrician.  I knew something was wrong but I had no clue what I was about to go through. I remembered the moment the pediatrician told me “we found a mass in your daughter brain; I believe it to be a brain tumor.” I remember her hugging me and holding my hand as I
processed the information.  I could not stop crying as I called Dave to give him the news.  I cannot imagine what was going on in his head, he was at work. I remember calling my mom and not even being able to get the words out to tell her.  
 
I just sat in the room waiting for my mom to arrive to drive me downtown.  I was in no shape to be driving for sure.  I remember not returning home for three weeks. 
Needless to say my stomach was full of butterflies as I drove to the pediatrician today.  

I kind of all fells like a dream or should I say nightmare.  Today was rough emotionally for me.  Jake was all over the doctor’s office today.  He’s my crazy Jake
for sure.  Needless to say I returned home today from the pediatrician.  

Tomorrow is another day of Chemo.  Ellie is already crying about the shot.  If you asked me last year if I thought this could ever happen to me I would say there is no way. 
But it happens.  It’s a sad fact of life.  Unfortunately it’s
our life at this moment.  I might seem strong on the inside but trust me I’m falling to pieces inside.  
 
Wishing you all a peaceful and relaxing night.  Hug and kiss your kids because you never know, you just never know.  pray that no one has to go through this but you never know.  Enjoy the  time you have.  Although the kids
drove me crazy today I had to take a deep breath and be grateful they are here to drive me crazy.  
 
With this experience like many others we will Grow, Learn, and become a stronger family from it.