long day and rough night...

Well today was a very difficult day.  It took us almost two hours of traffic to get downtown today.  Ellie handled the doctor and the nurses with ease (When I say with ease, I mean there was no kicking and screaming, just lots of crying).   Every Wednesday when I see Dr. Goldman, I feel so grateful he is our doctor.  He is such a chipper, fun spirited guy.  He also is very calming and relaxing. 

After talking for a few minutes about Ellie and what’s new, he has decided to put Ellie through a few extra tests.  She will be having a hearing test and a Neuropsychological evaluation test.  Ellie has been having some trouble with her memory and she thinks she says things that she did not say.  So after these tests it will give us a better understanding of where Ellie is at this point. 

We also got to look at the scans today.  Dr. Goldman really expressed how pleased he is with the scans.  He expressed that the fact that the new scans show a slight increase in size that could be the trial.  Basically the trial drug they gave her had much clearer scans.  As I looked on at the scans, once again I was shocked by the size of this tumor still.  Although it was described as a large walnut, it sure does look more like a small lime.  Dr. Goldman was very soothing when describing what the outcome can be.  He said you have a perfect little girl and not to get wrapped up in the tumor.

Ellie did such a fabulous job today with Chemo and she even got a visit from Willow the art therapist.  She did some painting in the hospital and all and all did a fantastic job.  The only complaint is she really didn’t eat much today.  We got home from the hospital she expressed how hungry she was.  I made her some food and she ate just a little bit of it.  I read her a bed time story and for the very first time she had to run to the bathroom and throw up profusely.  I had to walk away so Ellie wouldn’t see me cry.  This just saddens me the pain and suffering. I have been so grateful up to this point that we have not had this issue. But it looks like it was just building up.  Now as for tomorrow and school, I am not sure what I am going to do. She wants to go for her end of the year school party but I am really nervous about leaving her now that she is feeling so sick. 

This has been a very long and hard day for me.  I pray she wakes up feeling better and that she can sleep without getting sick tonight. Please god make my little girl feel better.